Being a single woman has always seemed to have a negative connotation in society. There are so many misconceptions that come along with enlightening someone of the lone reality of your relationship status. Thoughts of “she must be crazy” or “she must be promiscuous” seem to lie quietly behind the blank stares of the recipients of this information. An instant feeling of being judged by the other person is usually the result revealing your relationship status. In addition to this, if you are considered to be “attractive”, the next question that always seems to follow is “You are too attractive to be single. Why are you single?”. This question is always asked as if it is inherently possible for a woman who is considered to be “easy on the eyes” to forgo life alone. As if singledom is doomsday only for “average” or what society considers to be “unattractive women”. In addition to this, because we live in a couples obsessed society, it is never assumed that a woman would ever be single by choice. Why? Because it is never assumed that a woman can genuinely enjoy being single. From birth we are conditioned to value our self-worth off of our relationship status. This expectation of women leaves many single women with a scarlet letter. You become a woman who feels as if she has let down society’s expectation of her. You therefore don’t deserve happiness. According to society’s ridiculous standards you are a loser who doesn’t deserve happiness. Right? Wrong!
As ridiculous as this thought process sounds, there are millions of women who live their life like this everyday. They simply cannot enjoy their lives because they are single. They have spent their entire lives imagining that they will be truly happy when they find the love of their life. They therefore put their happiness on hold waiting for this day. They spend their days endlessly searching for “Mr. Right”. Every guy they meet must be “the one”. They can’t even genuinely enjoy themselves when they go places because there isn’t a large enough pool of eligible bachelors at their outings. They live their life in a perpetual state of disappointment because their self-worth is completely dependent on their relationship status. Most of the time they don’t even realize that they are doing this.
If you are a woman who can’t ever seem to enjoy being single here are few reasons for your unhappiness.
1.You Don’t Value the Relationships You Do Have
Just because you are a single woman it doesn’t mean that you are alone. Have you considered the relationships that you do have? Most single women have some type of relationship. Whether it’s your child, mother, father, friends or even your siblings, you have people in your life who do love you. Why do you place so little value on these relationships when many of these people are more likely to be permanent fixtures in your life than a romantic relationship? I have watched so many women in my adult life simply waste their time giving their all to every new man they meet, while simply tossing their friends or other relationships to the side. They could be dating a guy for two months. If this guy’s birthday rolls around they will pull out all the stops. However, if a friend or family member’s birthday takes place they rarely do much more than send a text or even call. Yet its the friend or family member who has been a part of their lives for years and will continue to be a part of their lives when the man leaves. It’s the same for the holidays. They will rack their brain getting a guy that they have known for only three months a phenomenal Christmas gift. However, friends and family get the bottom of the barrel gift if anything.
This backwards thinking is sad and actually pathetic. I hate to say it but if you place so little value on the people in your life who have been there for you, I don’t think you deserve to come running back to them every time the next guy dumps you. If you don’t value the relationships you have and learn to return the love of those who love you, then you will never know how to cultivate a healthy romantic relationship with a significant other.
2. You Think All Leisure Time Would Be Better With A Man Around
You can’t enjoy being single if you can’t enjoy life. I have met so many women who can’t seem to enjoy anytime spent with family or even their girlfriends because they are thinking of how much more complete the experience would be if they had a significant other present. I can recall one such friend who would spend all her time texting potential suitors whenever I invited her out with my friends. Instead of enjoying our company she felt it was more important for her to keep her cell phone out so she could show us every text each guy sent her. It was beyond annoying and I couldn’t stop thinking how I was so happy that I was nothing like that. This friend would also only reserve certain places that she would go with friends. All other places were reserved for dates. If a restaurant had a nice ambiance she would wait until she could find the right man to take her, even if a friend asked her to go. Her reply would be “No thanks. I’d rather go with a guy”. I thought this was very strange as she was basically putting her life on hold to share these experiences with someone she had never even met. What was worse is that she didn’t even care if she really enjoyed the person’s company or not. As long as they identified as a man, they met the criteria to take her to the places she had been saving to attend with a male.
If you spend all your time thinking about how much better an experience would be with a man around, you will never fully enjoy life. You are therefore wasting your life away and passing over experiences for a scenario that may or may not happen. Why on earth would you want to waste your life like this?
3. You Spend All Your Single Time Searching For A New Man
I have witnessed and also been guilty of making it my mission to find a new man as soon as the old one disappeared. I never enjoyed being single because I made it my mission to never be single. If I wasn’t in a relationship, I was spending valuable time online searching through the profiles of potential dates. If I wasn’t doing this then I was going on actual dates with these individuals who were men I really had no desire to be around. I however was spending my time with them so that I wouldn’t feel single. I have also witnessed friends who not only make this a routine, but they do this so often they spend all their time cultivating these temporary relationships while neglecting their permanent relationships. Permanent relationships could be family or friends who have been staples in their lives. As soon as they have a potential suitor you will rarely see these friends as the majority of their free time will be spent trying to make the new men they met every few months “the one”.
4. You Don’t Know How To Have Fun By Yourself
It is impossible to enjoy being alone if you don’t know how to have fun. Most of the women I know who can’t stand being alone feel that being alone is embarrassing. They feel ashamed of their single status. They therefore spend so much time trying to compensate for being single that they can’t actually enjoy their alone time. I always find it amazing when people tell me that they would never go to the movies alone. Why not? Going to the movies isn’t a social activity. It is rude to talk at the theater. If you can’t talk why would you be afraid to go it alone? I go to the movies alone all the time and enjoy it much more because I don’t have anyone asking me about the plot of the film. I find it to be quite relaxing. If you can’t enjoy your alone time you will never be able to genuinely enjoy your time with a signficant other. You will put all the pressure on your romantic relationships to make you happy because you aren’t genuinely happy alone. This isn’t fair to your mate.
If you are guilty of the above I would do some serious self-analysis to ask yourself why you don’t enjoy being alone. I would also work hard at trying to understand the unrealistic expectation of wanting someone else to enjoy spending time with you when you don’t enjoy spending time with you. How is this fair? It isn’t. Therefore work on yourself first before making a revolving door of all of your love relationships.
~ Kendy John is a beauty and lifestyle blogger located in the Chicago area. She is also a makeup artist, socialite and business development consultant.